I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
