3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
