The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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