Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
