I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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