I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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