Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I deserve this hangover.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
