Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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