I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
