I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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