i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
