you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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