we made out on top of his cat.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
