wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
