I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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