just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
