just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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