so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
