You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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