I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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