Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
