Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
