so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
