Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
