I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
