When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
