I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
