And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
