No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This house was built for laser tag.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
