HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
