is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
