I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
