im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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