Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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