She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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