Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
