I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
