My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
