He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
time to smoke my breakfast
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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