none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
