yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
