I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
