She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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