So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
