My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
