Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
bring money and cleavage
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
