Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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