im about as happy as oj after his trial
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
