Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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