Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
