you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
