I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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