I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
