i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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