once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
