I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
