there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
