Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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