And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
