shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
